So many stories revolve around food. And not just any food, but food that is near and dear to the character’s hearts. Over the course of a story, a show, a movie, we can get a true sense of what does this character put into their stomach at the end of the day.

Which leads me to Parks and Recreation, one of my favorite comedies out there. I’ve watched it so many times, I can grow a Ron Swanson mustache on cue. I Treat Myself (2011), every time I can. I’ve been practicing my Bert Macklin stealth moves. It is LITERALLY, one of my favorite shows out there.

Which is why I’m doing a week on recipes inspired by the characters,

And now, Mr. “Give Me All The Eggs and Bacon You Have,” Ron Swanson.

Ron breakfast

This is a true staple of my breakfast routine. And by true staple, I mean only staple. (I’m working on learning more stuff, be nice).

And while I know Mr. Swanson would object to any and all things that are not eggs or bacon, this recipe calls for a little more so it’s not just pure meat and eggs, (though there is nothing wrong with that).

You will need: Two eggs, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, cheese of any kind, mushrooms, bacon and hot sauce. Maybe toast.

First, you will need bacon. Cook the bacon and make sure it is very crunchy. If it’s not, I will know and I will find you. I want to be able to hear that crunch from here.

Next, while you avoid eating all the bacon you JUST made, crack open the eggs like the two little baby bird treasure chests they are, into a bowl and whip ’em up with a fork. Toss in the spices, to make the eggs that much more delicious, as well as a dash of hot sauce. Cause I’m a badass.

While the whippening of the eggs is happening, start frying up those mushrooms in your skillet. What, you didn’t know you needed a skillet? Oy, what have we gotten ourselves into. Okay, this is called fire. We use it to cook things . . .

Throw some butter in there when it’s all warmed up, and get those mushrooms to sizzling. Once they’ve turned a nice browned color, and the smell of them clogs your nostrils with their earthy, musky odor of wonderful, take some of that bacon, and throw it in with the mushrooms. No, it’s no blasphemy cause as you’ll see . . .

We throw the egg mixture in next! Watch as the golden, yokey goodness swirls and covers the mushroom-bacon goodness like delicious lava. Throw some cheese on there if you’re feeling extra sassy.

Watch as it cooks. Feel the universe singing to you. Put in a slice of toast if you’re feeling it.

Make sure you flip it on to itself, so it’s all omelette shaped, and let it keep cooking a bit more, just cause. Crispy.

Slide it on to a plate, turn off the stove before you hurt yourself, butter up that slice of toast and go to town.

All hail breakfast.
All hail breakfast.

Eat that food, while staring ahead thoughtfully, in silence.

Just like Ron Swanson might.

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